I come from a lower middle class family. I've a mother, father, three siblings and myself. I am the eldest, my brother is second born, then there is my middle sister, and my youngest sister follows two years after her. Our ages right now are 29, 28, 27, and 25. (PS we are now old omg).
Well let me put it bluntly. My middle sister is pretty much insane.
No one really knows what exactly is wrong with her. I've tried to figure it out. Borderline PD? Bipolar D/O? Antisocial PD? Traumatic brain injury from being born cyanotic with a nuchal cord? Chronic dietary allergy leading to brain damage like psychosis and dementia? Was it the time she climbed the kitchen cupboard, pulling it forward, being showered with utensils sustaining a massive laceration to her forehead at 4 years old?
No, that's probably a symptom, not a cause. Even as a small child my sister was hyperactive and risk taking and irrational.
The few times she has seen a psychiatrist for her totally dysfunctional behavior and generally bankrupt way of conducting herself, she ended up with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. Of course, pretty much anyone and anything will end up with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder these days (all that is required is admitting you are fucked up and have mood problems: I assure you, you will end up with a bipolar disorder diagnosis sooner or later.)
Crazy as fuck, totally irrational, immoral, aggressive, consistent pattern of violating peoples rights without guilt, paranoid, disconnected from reality to the point of being slightly psychotic ... a few words to describe her.
Here is an example of things she has done. This is a very very brief list.
-Stolen thousands and thousands of dollars from my mother and father, who are barely living above poverty, are in their mid 60s, and unemployed.
-Committed credit card fraud numerous times; opens lines of credit in other people's names, shows no remorse when caught. Will accuse my parents of "ruining her life" so it's fair that she continues to steal their credit.
-Years ago when my baby sister lived at home, she would steal her things, her money, her credit cards, pretty much anything she could find. My baby sister moved out shortly after. She avoid(ed) doing this to me because I would lock up all of my belongings making it difficult, although should I not lock up my belongings I would find them stolen.
-Stolen my parents car numerous times, ending up in numerous car accidents due to an inability to prioritize the responsibility of operating a major vehicle. The accidents are entirely her fault although she denies this (things that lead to an accident: putting on makeup while switching lanes; leaving the door wide open in the middle o the street; all of the accidents are caused by her not giving a shit about what is going on around her).
-She has not held a job in years. She has not held a job more than a few weeks in her entire life. She does not work now, and she is 27 years old.
-She is prone to extreme violence and rage, which can be unpredictable. The catalyst for a rage attack is usually being denied something she wants, or general frustrations things are not going her way. In the past when I lived at home my arms were pretty much constantly covered in nail marks and slashes. During rages she will become physically violent with the person and also their belongings, she enjoys breaking things in rages that belong to other people. The day I moved out she threw over all of my perfumes while screaming, for example. She has hit and bit my mother who is over 60 years old. One time, she pushed my mother into a wall causing profuse bleeidng from the head. I called the police and she spent the night in jail. The next year she would throw it in my face that I was a terrible person for calling the police on her. She never shows any guilt or remorse for her behavior, and when she does feel guilt it is very fleeting and superficial.
My sister will always conceptualize her behavior as logical, a valid response to an injustice. She does these things because we made her do them or we have violated or wronged her in some way. She has a gaping vast sense of entitlement.
If my sister is not going on rages, I will always tell my parents to check their credit cards because odds are she has opened a line of credit and is stealing form them (lack of rage = my sister is stealing from someone and is impulsively going on shopping binges/not working).
-She is prone to episodes of completely magical thinking and paranoia to the point of quasi-psychosis. she will have elaborate delusions of how various people are conspiring against her in school or work (for the few times she has been employed). She will eagerly share her delusions with me, telling me how this person said this to that person and they all think this and they are all against her ... the thoughts will be complex and detailed, but there is never any objective evidence for anything she thinks. If I try to tell her that it's possible she is mistaken about other people and their conspiracies against her, she becomes enraged I do not validate her opinions/perspectives. Basically whenever my sister is around any group of humans she quickly forms a delusion and a plot that they are all against her, to the point of total irrationality; it is more than a feeling of persecution or ostracisim (which is probably valid since she is a hostile nutcase)... she will literally form EXACT ACTIONS that people supposedly did or said that are entirely fabricated. She will misconstrue the slightest behavior as a validation of her delusions. ("When she looked at me like that, I knew she saw the website that they all have where they make fun of me and call me a prostitute; I know they are calling me a prostitute, and everyone in the school is aware of this rumor!!!")
-At times she will randomly accuse her professors or classmates of these wrongdoings, which usually leads to her dropping out of the classes or the school. She has been to many classes in many schools. She does have a 4 year degree but it took about 8 years to complete because of her pattern of dropping out of classes from her conflicts and irrational thinking and paranoia.
-A times she will demonstrate abject recklessness. She has engaged in prostitution, with strangers. She will meet random strangers go to their apartment to do drugs, although she does not have a drug abuse problem or alcoholism which makes the behavior even more bizarre.
Tonight, myself and my brother decided to go home to have dinner with my mother and father. This is an ordinary uneventful thing. My sister came home went on a screaming rage for no reason and began breaking things. So we left.
I beg my mother to toss her on the street and I warn her of stories observed as a nurse, of elderly who live with adult children and are abused and prisoners to their whims. My mother is incapable of seeing my sister as anything other than a small child who needs her. It is very sad because my mother has bent over backwards to help my sister, and my sister continues to abuse her and use her, physically and emotionally.
Pretty much no one in my family will deal with her. My baby sister has cut her off completely. My brother talks with her but keeps a firm distance. Like a true loser/sucker I communicate with her still sometimes and try to be friendly with her, in spite of her behaviors. ... but even I keep a good distance and won't be too close for too long.
She has no friends and no relationships, which is mostly because of her paranoid hostile thinking. She is incapable of being approachable or friendly to anyone.
This is actually a very short list, a general snapshot of what a nut she is.
As stated, there have been times she has seen a psychiatrist and the diagnosis given was bipolar disorder. She has tried lithium, which noticeably helped with aggression and impulsivity. Subjectively the lithium therapy made her much easier to be around because it seemed to suppress her rage and violence and impulsive insane thinking. She no longer takes it and refuses to take it because she does not think she needs it. In her words, she stopped taking it because "it made her sleep too much and she couldn't stay up late to study for school."
WHen she stopped the lithium she was calmer at first but she will always devolve into chronic insanity... random irrational extreme behaviors, and anger and aggression and paranoia.
I doubt she has bipolar disorder, as she never has depression, and when I questioned her about depression (sharing my experiences) she looks at me like I am an alien. Depression is completely antithetical to my sister's personality and the closest she can get to depression is a feeling of defeat when her desires are not granted. I have tried to probe to see if there have been periods of depression and she says she can't relate at all. Furthermore her insane behavior certainly does flare up and get worse, and calm down/get better, but it is always there which again argues against bipolar disorder.
From my perspective its' almost as if she has brain damage. Dealing with her feels like dealing with a demented patient, her brain clearly does not work properly... but yet, she is not properly mentally ill. She's not schizophrenic, not psychotic, she can go to school and pass classes sometimes... but interacting with her makes you very aware that you are dealing with someone who has a brain that is completely FUBAR. She can't help it, and that is obvious. Speaking with her, the responses do not follow as they should. It's hard to describe what this is like, but interacting with her more than a short while makes you quite aware her brain is not operating normally.
An interesting observation I noted is that my sister has a very rapid basal blink rate, and when she is going off her rocker her eyes will flutter so rapidly, appearing distinctly abnormal. I made this observation years ago, as it was so obvious to me as being not normal/a sign. Upon further research I discovered blink rate is controlled by dopamine signalling, and blink rate is elevated in hyperdopaminergic states like drug abuse, mania, or psychosis. Right away this offers a clue that there is clearly an organic abnormality, as I have never observed a normal person blink this often (I'm sure it does happen but in day to day life no one seems to have this rapid blink rate I have observed in her).
The ironic thing is I observed my own blink rate will shift based on my mood and energy; I too seem vulnerable to this sign, as periods of heightened energy and manic-like conditions which have occurred in the past were associated with very rapid blinking. Before it occurred to me I had first noticed it in her, and how abnormal it looked, and how such a sign was out of conscious control and must be entirely organic.
It was noted by the psychiatrist her WBCs was suggestive of an allergy, she has always suffered nasal congestion / sinus problems, so I wonder if she is prone to like a wheat or dairy allergy which is causing brain degeneration. My paternal grandmother was schizophrenic, some forms of this disease are believed to relate to allergic responses causing brain damage... of course that is hypothetical.
Other interesting observation is that of the four children my parents have had, my brother and youngest sister seem entirely mentally stable, no signs of depression, no signs of abnormal thinking. Myself and my sister clearly have a vulnerability to some kind of mood or mental disorder, although the manifestation is very different (my primary issue has always been depression, my sister is generally disorganized/rageful/impulsive and her behavior/thought processes are not consistent or sound, she is just "crazy" for lack of better term.)
My brother and sane sister have brown eyes and no acne, whereas myself and my sister have green based eyes and noted history of acne.
The most interesting part is my crazy sister is negative for PCOS and has a normal reproductive/endocrine system whereas my sane sister has had very bad PCOS (similar to myself) but in spite of this my sane sister has never had an acne problem.
I say this is interesting because PCOS is considered one of those diseases that will *Cause* mental problems like depression, however my sane sister is entirely stable in spite of her history of PCOS, meanwhile my crazy sister has no PCOS has regular menses and normal endocrine system in this capacity (even donating HER EGGS repeatedly which IMO is a criminal behavior given how defective she is...)
My mentally insane grandmother was slavic and had light eyes, so I wonder if the eye color merely represents the presence of genes affecting the nervous system that otherwise cause insanity? Fairly coincidental...
Acne is noted to cluster with mood problems, so I guess that isn't a surprise either. THe interesting thing about the acne in my sister's case is this: my sister has always had crystal clear skin in her teen years; the acne did not start until her late teens and early 20s. This is also when my sister notably became mentally unstable. In my sister's early teen years she was relatively normal, relatively agreeable, although always prone to anger and more impulsive. There was a clear shift in her around the time she started college, and this clustered with the development of significant acne. I wonder if the acne is (was) a symptom of some body abnormality also affecting her brain.
I don't know if this would be classified as a rant, or a vent, or free flow thoughts. All I know is tonight I tried to have dinner with my parents and family and I was not able to because , oh that's right, my almost 28 year old sister is a mental invalid and she is incapable of normal behavior and no one knows why, but the entire family just accepts that is the way it is.
No one is perfect and certainly many people in my family have significant flaws. I have significant flaws. But dealing with my sister is like dealing with a wild animal that happens to look like a human. It is not like any other experience relating to any other normal human, and I consider her more like my brain damaged/impaired patients than a normal person.
I used to try to help her when I was young, then I realized there is no way to fix a person who is unfixable. Right now, the family sort of operate like "that is how it is, she is to be endured".
The most infuriating thing is there really isn't a name for this. She could be a psychopath, she could be "borderline", it could be brain damage, who knows. I sure don't.
I worry terribly for my mother and father as they age and have less and less resources to cope with her behavior. I have seen similar things happen to other elderly people. Right now their stance is to give in to her at all times to placate her and avoid rage. That is a finite solution because they cannot afford to support a grown adult with endless needs, in old age.
Right. So, that's that.
Well let me put it bluntly. My middle sister is pretty much insane.
No one really knows what exactly is wrong with her. I've tried to figure it out. Borderline PD? Bipolar D/O? Antisocial PD? Traumatic brain injury from being born cyanotic with a nuchal cord? Chronic dietary allergy leading to brain damage like psychosis and dementia? Was it the time she climbed the kitchen cupboard, pulling it forward, being showered with utensils sustaining a massive laceration to her forehead at 4 years old?
No, that's probably a symptom, not a cause. Even as a small child my sister was hyperactive and risk taking and irrational.
The few times she has seen a psychiatrist for her totally dysfunctional behavior and generally bankrupt way of conducting herself, she ended up with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. Of course, pretty much anyone and anything will end up with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder these days (all that is required is admitting you are fucked up and have mood problems: I assure you, you will end up with a bipolar disorder diagnosis sooner or later.)
Crazy as fuck, totally irrational, immoral, aggressive, consistent pattern of violating peoples rights without guilt, paranoid, disconnected from reality to the point of being slightly psychotic ... a few words to describe her.
Here is an example of things she has done. This is a very very brief list.
-Stolen thousands and thousands of dollars from my mother and father, who are barely living above poverty, are in their mid 60s, and unemployed.
-Committed credit card fraud numerous times; opens lines of credit in other people's names, shows no remorse when caught. Will accuse my parents of "ruining her life" so it's fair that she continues to steal their credit.
-Years ago when my baby sister lived at home, she would steal her things, her money, her credit cards, pretty much anything she could find. My baby sister moved out shortly after. She avoid(ed) doing this to me because I would lock up all of my belongings making it difficult, although should I not lock up my belongings I would find them stolen.
-Stolen my parents car numerous times, ending up in numerous car accidents due to an inability to prioritize the responsibility of operating a major vehicle. The accidents are entirely her fault although she denies this (things that lead to an accident: putting on makeup while switching lanes; leaving the door wide open in the middle o the street; all of the accidents are caused by her not giving a shit about what is going on around her).
-She has not held a job in years. She has not held a job more than a few weeks in her entire life. She does not work now, and she is 27 years old.
-She is prone to extreme violence and rage, which can be unpredictable. The catalyst for a rage attack is usually being denied something she wants, or general frustrations things are not going her way. In the past when I lived at home my arms were pretty much constantly covered in nail marks and slashes. During rages she will become physically violent with the person and also their belongings, she enjoys breaking things in rages that belong to other people. The day I moved out she threw over all of my perfumes while screaming, for example. She has hit and bit my mother who is over 60 years old. One time, she pushed my mother into a wall causing profuse bleeidng from the head. I called the police and she spent the night in jail. The next year she would throw it in my face that I was a terrible person for calling the police on her. She never shows any guilt or remorse for her behavior, and when she does feel guilt it is very fleeting and superficial.
My sister will always conceptualize her behavior as logical, a valid response to an injustice. She does these things because we made her do them or we have violated or wronged her in some way. She has a gaping vast sense of entitlement.
If my sister is not going on rages, I will always tell my parents to check their credit cards because odds are she has opened a line of credit and is stealing form them (lack of rage = my sister is stealing from someone and is impulsively going on shopping binges/not working).
-She is prone to episodes of completely magical thinking and paranoia to the point of quasi-psychosis. she will have elaborate delusions of how various people are conspiring against her in school or work (for the few times she has been employed). She will eagerly share her delusions with me, telling me how this person said this to that person and they all think this and they are all against her ... the thoughts will be complex and detailed, but there is never any objective evidence for anything she thinks. If I try to tell her that it's possible she is mistaken about other people and their conspiracies against her, she becomes enraged I do not validate her opinions/perspectives. Basically whenever my sister is around any group of humans she quickly forms a delusion and a plot that they are all against her, to the point of total irrationality; it is more than a feeling of persecution or ostracisim (which is probably valid since she is a hostile nutcase)... she will literally form EXACT ACTIONS that people supposedly did or said that are entirely fabricated. She will misconstrue the slightest behavior as a validation of her delusions. ("When she looked at me like that, I knew she saw the website that they all have where they make fun of me and call me a prostitute; I know they are calling me a prostitute, and everyone in the school is aware of this rumor!!!")
-At times she will randomly accuse her professors or classmates of these wrongdoings, which usually leads to her dropping out of the classes or the school. She has been to many classes in many schools. She does have a 4 year degree but it took about 8 years to complete because of her pattern of dropping out of classes from her conflicts and irrational thinking and paranoia.
-A times she will demonstrate abject recklessness. She has engaged in prostitution, with strangers. She will meet random strangers go to their apartment to do drugs, although she does not have a drug abuse problem or alcoholism which makes the behavior even more bizarre.
Tonight, myself and my brother decided to go home to have dinner with my mother and father. This is an ordinary uneventful thing. My sister came home went on a screaming rage for no reason and began breaking things. So we left.
I beg my mother to toss her on the street and I warn her of stories observed as a nurse, of elderly who live with adult children and are abused and prisoners to their whims. My mother is incapable of seeing my sister as anything other than a small child who needs her. It is very sad because my mother has bent over backwards to help my sister, and my sister continues to abuse her and use her, physically and emotionally.
Pretty much no one in my family will deal with her. My baby sister has cut her off completely. My brother talks with her but keeps a firm distance. Like a true loser/sucker I communicate with her still sometimes and try to be friendly with her, in spite of her behaviors. ... but even I keep a good distance and won't be too close for too long.
She has no friends and no relationships, which is mostly because of her paranoid hostile thinking. She is incapable of being approachable or friendly to anyone.
This is actually a very short list, a general snapshot of what a nut she is.
As stated, there have been times she has seen a psychiatrist and the diagnosis given was bipolar disorder. She has tried lithium, which noticeably helped with aggression and impulsivity. Subjectively the lithium therapy made her much easier to be around because it seemed to suppress her rage and violence and impulsive insane thinking. She no longer takes it and refuses to take it because she does not think she needs it. In her words, she stopped taking it because "it made her sleep too much and she couldn't stay up late to study for school."
WHen she stopped the lithium she was calmer at first but she will always devolve into chronic insanity... random irrational extreme behaviors, and anger and aggression and paranoia.
I doubt she has bipolar disorder, as she never has depression, and when I questioned her about depression (sharing my experiences) she looks at me like I am an alien. Depression is completely antithetical to my sister's personality and the closest she can get to depression is a feeling of defeat when her desires are not granted. I have tried to probe to see if there have been periods of depression and she says she can't relate at all. Furthermore her insane behavior certainly does flare up and get worse, and calm down/get better, but it is always there which again argues against bipolar disorder.
From my perspective its' almost as if she has brain damage. Dealing with her feels like dealing with a demented patient, her brain clearly does not work properly... but yet, she is not properly mentally ill. She's not schizophrenic, not psychotic, she can go to school and pass classes sometimes... but interacting with her makes you very aware that you are dealing with someone who has a brain that is completely FUBAR. She can't help it, and that is obvious. Speaking with her, the responses do not follow as they should. It's hard to describe what this is like, but interacting with her more than a short while makes you quite aware her brain is not operating normally.
An interesting observation I noted is that my sister has a very rapid basal blink rate, and when she is going off her rocker her eyes will flutter so rapidly, appearing distinctly abnormal. I made this observation years ago, as it was so obvious to me as being not normal/a sign. Upon further research I discovered blink rate is controlled by dopamine signalling, and blink rate is elevated in hyperdopaminergic states like drug abuse, mania, or psychosis. Right away this offers a clue that there is clearly an organic abnormality, as I have never observed a normal person blink this often (I'm sure it does happen but in day to day life no one seems to have this rapid blink rate I have observed in her).
The ironic thing is I observed my own blink rate will shift based on my mood and energy; I too seem vulnerable to this sign, as periods of heightened energy and manic-like conditions which have occurred in the past were associated with very rapid blinking. Before it occurred to me I had first noticed it in her, and how abnormal it looked, and how such a sign was out of conscious control and must be entirely organic.
It was noted by the psychiatrist her WBCs was suggestive of an allergy, she has always suffered nasal congestion / sinus problems, so I wonder if she is prone to like a wheat or dairy allergy which is causing brain degeneration. My paternal grandmother was schizophrenic, some forms of this disease are believed to relate to allergic responses causing brain damage... of course that is hypothetical.
Other interesting observation is that of the four children my parents have had, my brother and youngest sister seem entirely mentally stable, no signs of depression, no signs of abnormal thinking. Myself and my sister clearly have a vulnerability to some kind of mood or mental disorder, although the manifestation is very different (my primary issue has always been depression, my sister is generally disorganized/rageful/impulsive and her behavior/thought processes are not consistent or sound, she is just "crazy" for lack of better term.)
My brother and sane sister have brown eyes and no acne, whereas myself and my sister have green based eyes and noted history of acne.
The most interesting part is my crazy sister is negative for PCOS and has a normal reproductive/endocrine system whereas my sane sister has had very bad PCOS (similar to myself) but in spite of this my sane sister has never had an acne problem.
I say this is interesting because PCOS is considered one of those diseases that will *Cause* mental problems like depression, however my sane sister is entirely stable in spite of her history of PCOS, meanwhile my crazy sister has no PCOS has regular menses and normal endocrine system in this capacity (even donating HER EGGS repeatedly which IMO is a criminal behavior given how defective she is...)
My mentally insane grandmother was slavic and had light eyes, so I wonder if the eye color merely represents the presence of genes affecting the nervous system that otherwise cause insanity? Fairly coincidental...
Acne is noted to cluster with mood problems, so I guess that isn't a surprise either. THe interesting thing about the acne in my sister's case is this: my sister has always had crystal clear skin in her teen years; the acne did not start until her late teens and early 20s. This is also when my sister notably became mentally unstable. In my sister's early teen years she was relatively normal, relatively agreeable, although always prone to anger and more impulsive. There was a clear shift in her around the time she started college, and this clustered with the development of significant acne. I wonder if the acne is (was) a symptom of some body abnormality also affecting her brain.
I don't know if this would be classified as a rant, or a vent, or free flow thoughts. All I know is tonight I tried to have dinner with my parents and family and I was not able to because , oh that's right, my almost 28 year old sister is a mental invalid and she is incapable of normal behavior and no one knows why, but the entire family just accepts that is the way it is.
No one is perfect and certainly many people in my family have significant flaws. I have significant flaws. But dealing with my sister is like dealing with a wild animal that happens to look like a human. It is not like any other experience relating to any other normal human, and I consider her more like my brain damaged/impaired patients than a normal person.
I used to try to help her when I was young, then I realized there is no way to fix a person who is unfixable. Right now, the family sort of operate like "that is how it is, she is to be endured".
The most infuriating thing is there really isn't a name for this. She could be a psychopath, she could be "borderline", it could be brain damage, who knows. I sure don't.
I worry terribly for my mother and father as they age and have less and less resources to cope with her behavior. I have seen similar things happen to other elderly people. Right now their stance is to give in to her at all times to placate her and avoid rage. That is a finite solution because they cannot afford to support a grown adult with endless needs, in old age.
Right. So, that's that.
